On end of year reflection..
Morning friends,
I can’t quite believe that we are face to face with another step into a New Year and I would love to say that I am not triggered by something as arbitrary and constructed as the turn of a clock to signify one year into the next but I am whole-heartedly triggered!
As I look to my 17 year old son, my (almost) 19 year old daughter, as I notice one more f**king crows feet, as I approach my 44th year.. I cannot help but reflect on where I am, where I have been and where I am going.
On a bad day, the spiral is real, having never really financially recovered from becoming a single parent with two young children, it feels like I am in constant fight mode to pay London rent and living expenses.. I have made a commitment to myself to sit with a financial expert in January, and work on a real and sustainable plan to dig me out of the overdraft loop and stick to a budget which allows my family to thrive and for me to plan for a future without two children in my home (yikes!).
Today is not a bad day, however, and as I reflect I am reflecting on what a warrior I have been since being pregnant in 2005 and learning of my loves betrayal. Of the reckoning of becoming a single parent with two under two, and how I kept moving forward, even when things were really very hard. Of how I have done my absolute best to create a loving home, even when my trust of another man tried to destroy that. I reflect on how I pulled us out of the mud, into a teeny 2 bedroom flat, which was the most loving and safe space. I think of my tenacity when, at that time, I had to apply for benefits and made the commitment to myself that at the turn of the year, I would be off them. I did that. I reflect on the absolute gut wrenching reality of supporting a child with the most evil of mental health illnesses and how, even if I feel like I aged about 20 years in the past 3, that I am still fucking standing and the love that pours out of me is endless, despite it all.
I am a warrior. Through and through. I don’t want to always HAVE to be so strong but I am and when there is space and time for softness, I take it and I rejoice in it.
So today, 18th of December, 2024.. I am accepting the small wins of this year. The small moments of love and joy; I have had plenty. My mum, who stood behind me when the forces were too great for me to bare alone and stood beside me and held my hand to remind me that I can do hard things and then, when needed said, “step aside, I have got you.” To the friends who have provided ears to listen, words of advice, a space to cry, a space to laugh and dance with my full body.. and a share of their coffee subscription. To my children, who remind me what it is all for, and who love fiercely. To the ground under my feet, which provides the sustenance for my garden to grow. To the humans who put their trust in me, to help them move their bodies.. and maybe even their souls 😉. To you wonderful friends, who have allowed me to drop into your busy inboxes, with my ramblings.
I am so thankful.
I have plenty.
I am hopeful for a lighter and brighter 2025. I am turning 44 and something about that number says peace. I am studying Yoga Teacher Training, and I am aiming to be doing some free community classes by late spring/ early summer to practice my craft before entering the arena of teaching public classes. I have my first “dance with my full body” date set with two of my girls. Onwards and upwards.
I am thinking about my general vibe for 2025 “resolutions” and for me a think I want to strike a balance between EMPOWERMENT and JOY.. creating a more steady grounding for myself but also, allowing myself to let go of everything that is so heavy, sometimes.
I would love to hear what are your general vibes for 2025 - pop it in the comments!
Big Love,
M xoxo
Want to move with me?
Thursday 19th, 7am at Notting Hill
Thursday 19th, 10am at Soho
Friday 20th, 9:30am at Notting Hill (Theme: Chappell Roan Vs Lady Gaga Vs Madonna)
Friday 20th, 6:30pm at Notting Hill (Theme: Hip Hop Fri-Yay)
Saturday 21st, 11:45am at Soho
Sunday 22nd, 11:45am at Soho (Sunday Sanctuary.. my signature class)
This is my baby. High energy, with a big emphasis on grounding the mind, body and soul. A big inhale/ exhale and reset.